Women and Porn

Women and Porn

Women and Porn

One comment I am hearing a lot lately is “I think there should be some information about the myth that only men watch porn.”

So true!  This actually is a myth.  While studies vary by location and what they are looking at, they all show that women also watch porn.

One US study showed that 30% of women and 70% of men admit to watching porn.

Another American study showed that 17% of American women admit to watching internet porn. One in every 4 dollars spent on porn are by women.

A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior showed that 45% of couples view porn together and it improves their relationship

And in France, studies show that 62% of French women watch porn.

While both men and women find pornography stimulating, studies show that they focus on different features.  One study found that heterosexual men focus most on the woman’s face, then on the genitals.  Naturally cycling women (not on hormonal birth control) look most at the genitals and the woman’s body, and less on the faces.  Women on hormonal birth control are looking more at the “contextual features of the situation” (i.e. clothing, environment), some on the face and body and least on the genitals.

And for those women who despise porn because they feel that it contributes to violence against women, studies show that while porn consumption has dramatically increased in the past 2 decades, the incidence and frequency of rape has decreased.

In sex coaching, I have found that couples watching porn together can be a positive activity that adds spice to their sex life.

Low Libido Blues

LOW LIBIDO BLUES

Low Libido Blues

LOW LIBIDO BLUES

One of the most distressing complaints I hear from my female clients is that they experience low libido.

Women tell me “I used to love sex, and now I don’t even want to want to have sex!”

Here is a question I’ve heard a lot: why don’t I want to have sex anymore when my baby is little/nursing? Even though it has been a year or more I still don’t want to have sex. My partner is getting frustrated.

The main answer to this question is YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Estrogen levels are greatly elevated to maintain the pregnancy. After childbirth, estrogen drops dramatically. Since estrogen is thought to be responsible for contributing to feeling sexual, low levels correspond with low sex drive.  Prolactin levels increase in the breastfeeding woman, which further diminish the sex drive.  Oxytocin, which helps the milk “let down” (and  a hormone associated with orgasm), is also the hormone of attachment.  Women can feel completely contented bonding so fully with their infant that their need to attach to their partner becomes history. Top that off with sleep deprivation, fear of pain and fear of another pregnancy, you have a potent anti-sex cocktail!

Postpartum does not have to be the demise of intimacy though.  Your brain is actually your major sex organ.  What you think about becomes your reality so think as if you are sexual

Don’t wait until you are in the mood for sex.  At this stage of your life, arousal more frequently happens after stimulation instead of before.  Schedule time for sex with your partner.

Focus on pleasurable sensations. Remove expectations and just  enjoy the journey of your sexual encounter.

Gaze into your partner’s eyes.  Spend time giving and receiving sensual massage.  Use you scheduled sex time to reconnect. These actions, along with orgasm, help increase oxytocin.  Now this hormone of attachment can be directed towards bonding with your partner again.

Be prepared with birth control.

Have personal lubricant on hand.  The same hormones that kill your sex drive also keep you dry.

Even if it takes time to feel sexual, your partner will appreciate the effort and attention.