People fear being labeled abnormal; therefore, they do not seek help for their sexological concerns. But did you know that upward of 90% of people have either ongoing or sporadic sexual problems, ironically making sexual problems the norm?
In other words, what we imagine to be a normal sex-life (constant high drive and ecstatic sex) is not normal. That said, a great sex life is possible, and it is your birthright. It is not your fault if you are experiencing this “normal” sexual dissatisfaction…society has silenced our conversations about healthy sexuality by making the subject of sex taboo. This silence prevents us from exploring the possibilities of pleasurable sex.
There is a variety of sexual situations that people “normally” experience. Many of these experiences result in fear and anxiety which further aggravates the condition. For example, men who experience erectile dissatisfaction (ejaculate sooner or later than they want to or their erections are not as hard as they want), become anxious that something is wrong. Then the fear of the problem triggers the fight-or- flight response which exacerbates the problem even more…that is normal.
Men are expected to have consistently high libidos and to be always willing and able to perform. Society makes them feel inadequate if their drive is low. Truly, all levels of sex drive are unique to each person…that is normal.
Women worry about lack of orgasms and low desire. First, let’s discuss orgasms. Many women have problems experiencing orgasms because they do not understand their anatomy. It is normal NOT to experience orgasms during intercourse/penetration alone. Over 75% of women must have clitoral stimulation to prompt an orgasm. The good news is that women can learn techniques to produce orgasms with or without intercourse.
Now let’s discuss desire. Did you know that desire fluctuates throughout women’s menstrual and life cycles? During their reproductive ages, ovulation causes a spike in desire. Postpartum women often experience very low libidos because the hormone prolactin excreted during breastfeeding is a drive killer. And contrary to popular belief, menopause is not the end of sex, in fact, sexual activity can keep vaginal tissue intact and drive alive and well. Desire changes are normal.
NO drive is also normal, if no drive is what you have always experienced and you are happy with it.
It is normal to have decreased desire in a long-term relationship, normal to get aroused by porn (even if you are a feminist) and normal to find other people outside of your relationship attractive.
It is normal to have poor communication surrounding sex, and it is normal to not have the connection you desire.
It is normal to be attracted to the opposite gender, the same gender, all genders and to no one.
It is normal to masturbate….and to like it!
These examples, and more, are all normal, but the ability to change and become comfortable with pleasure is also normal. So, reach out and get help. You are normal. Grow and change. Pleasure is your birthright…lets work together to help you find yours.