I have a confession to make. Some labels make me feel very uncomfortable. I know that people have been using labels to describe both people and objects since the beginning of communication. There were clans, names for objects, colors, textures etc. While I am comfortable with labels that describe nonhuman objects (i.e. flower vase, Elm tree), I cringe at the plethora of formal labels that human beings use for self-identity. And when I find myself so triggered by something, I know I need to explore the subject in more detail.
So, here are some of the conclusions I have to for myself:
- Labels can evoke fear. In my profession as a sexologist, I have seen a continuous stream of new and changing labels. This elicits the fear of not being able to keep up with the changes. Furthermore, the same label can mean different things to each and every person, making it even harder to understand and “get it right.”
- Labels creates expectations. Once these expectations are created, there is a chance for judgement (internal and external) if we do not match up.
- When we believe that we fall short of our label’s definition, shame (which is one of the lowest frequency emotions we can feel) is commonly experienced.
- Labels can keep us stuck in someone else’s perception of what we should be like.
- The label we hold on to tightest is usually the one that most defines us. When that label is misinterpreted, it is all too easy to take offense, causing relationship discord.
- Holding too tightly to the label lessens our ability to further our personal growth.
- Labels keep us in a box and limit our authenticity. There is so much more to a person than their label, and the label itself may keep us from knowing an amazing person.
- Finally, I think labels separate humanity. Ultimately, we are all just a diverse group of people, with more in common than not, who want to be respected for our uniqueness, without judgement.
Let me be clear, I totally embrace each and every person’s self-identity. I believe that it is everyone’s right and purpose to be unique. My discomfort comes from the repercussions of label misunderstandings. So yes, use the label if it makes you feel good. Keep in mind that not everyone knows what your label means. Believe that everyone is doing the best they can, and that we can learn from those different from us. My hope is that honoring your own diversity inspires you to honor and be curious about the diversity of those around you, and that you are able to give and receive the respect we all deserve.