Low Libido Blues


Low Libido Blues


One of the most distressing complaints I hear from my female clients is that they experience low libido.

Women tell me “I used to love sex, and now I don’t even want to want to have sex!”

Here is a question I’ve heard a lot: why don’t I want to have sex anymore when my baby is little/nursing? Even though it has been a year or more I still don’t want to have sex. My partner is getting frustrated.

The main answer to this question is YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Estrogen levels are greatly elevated to maintain the pregnancy. After childbirth, estrogen drops dramatically. Since estrogen is thought to be responsible for contributing to feeling sexual, low levels correspond with low sex drive.  Prolactin levels increase in the breastfeeding woman, which further diminish the sex drive.  Oxytocin, which helps the milk “let down” (and  a hormone associated with orgasm), is also the hormone of attachment.  Women can feel completely contented bonding so fully with their infant that their need to attach to their partner becomes history. Top that off with sleep deprivation, fear of pain and fear of another pregnancy, you have a potent anti-sex cocktail!

Postpartum does not have to be the demise of intimacy though.  Your brain is actually your major sex organ.  What you think about becomes your reality so think as if you are sexual

Don’t wait until you are in the mood for sex.  At this stage of your life, arousal more frequently happens after stimulation instead of before.  Schedule time for sex with your partner.

Focus on pleasurable sensations. Remove expectations and just  enjoy the journey of your sexual encounter.

Gaze into your partner’s eyes.  Spend time giving and receiving sensual massage.  Use you scheduled sex time to reconnect. These actions, along with orgasm, help increase oxytocin.  Now this hormone of attachment can be directed towards bonding with your partner again.

Be prepared with birth control.

Have personal lubricant on hand.  The same hormones that kill your sex drive also keep you dry.

Even if it takes time to feel sexual, your partner will appreciate the effort and attention.